"Ther are no justified resentments. Give up your personal history."
Wayne Dyer
I recently
performed a memorial service for an old friend of mine. She lived and died very
unhappy and depressed. I once asked her why she found life so unpleasant and
she told me it was because of her husband. He was critical, controlling and
dominated every aspect of her life. For over 60 years that they were married,
she chose to live as a victim. Every time she blamed him for her unhappiness,
she was giving him to power to control her. At any time, she could have chosen
to see him differently, chosen to make decisions for herself. Their marriage
became a dance of aggressive and passive aggressive behavior. Had she chosen to
appreciate the good in her husband instead of focusing only on his negative
aspects their marriage could have transformed into one of love and harmony or
they both would have realized that they were not a match made in heaven.
There is no
magic in transforming relationships, it simply requires your willingness to get
off of any position that you have taken that makes the other person wrong. It
means that you no longer criticize or judge; rather you become the very person
you want to be in relationship with. How often have you described the perfect
mate in terms that you are not living yourself? If you want an open, loving,
communicative, vulnerable and harmonious relationship, you have to demonstrate those
attributes yourself. Marriages of many years have a history, some of it joyful
and some painful. Focusing on the hurtful parts will not foster a transforming marriage
but will tear it down and often lead to divorce. Keeping the joy alive means remember
the good times, choose every day to create more good, more joy, more love and
acceptance. The past has only the power that you give it.
The moment that you take responsibility for your relationships, you will see imporvement right away. Try it!!!!
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