Healing Relationships

"Ther are no justified resentments. Give up your personal history."

Wayne Dyer

I recently performed a memorial service for an old friend of mine. She lived and died very unhappy and depressed. I once asked her why she found life so unpleasant and she told me it was because of her husband. He was critical, controlling and dominated every aspect of her life. For over 60 years that they were married, she chose to live as a victim. Every time she blamed him for her unhappiness, she was giving him to power to control her. At any time, she could have chosen to see him differently, chosen to make decisions for herself. Their marriage became a dance of aggressive and passive aggressive behavior. Had she chosen to appreciate the good in her husband instead of focusing only on his negative aspects their marriage could have transformed into one of love and harmony or they both would have realized that they were not a match made in heaven.

There is no magic in transforming relationships, it simply requires your willingness to get off of any position that you have taken that makes the other person wrong. It means that you no longer criticize or judge; rather you become the very person you want to be in relationship with. How often have you described the perfect mate in terms that you are not living yourself? If you want an open, loving, communicative, vulnerable and harmonious relationship, you have to demonstrate those attributes yourself. Marriages of many years have a history, some of it joyful and some painful. Focusing on the hurtful parts will not foster a transforming marriage but will tear it down and often lead to divorce. Keeping the joy alive means remember the good times, choose every day to create more good, more joy, more love and acceptance. The past has only the power that you give it.

The moment that you take responsibility for your relationships, you will see imporvement right away. Try it!!!!

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Gratitude is the Key to Happiness

"If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'Thank you,' that would suffice.
Meister Eckhart

Whether you want more money, success, love or anything else, when you establish a lifetime habit of thankfulness and appreciation for what you have, that vibration opens your heart for more good to come forth. When you understand that gratitude is a cause and not an effect, your life is transformed.

What have you appreciated today? What did you find to complain about? Gratitude is the most powerful prayer on this planet. Nothing will raise your vibration faster or higher than being thankful for the good in your life. Focus on what is right and perfect in your life, focus on the positive aspects of others and watch how your spirit is lifted and your life takes on new meaning with unlimited good coming your way.

Gratitude is my constant companion. It is my dominant spiritual practice and I have been rewarded a million times over because of this one very special and powerful spiritual practice. I give thanks for parking spaces, unexpected income and a beautiful winter day. I live in awe of how the universe conspires to bring me my good. When I stay focused on the good in my life, set intentions for what I want and stay out of the details of how my dreams will come true, I find that I attract people, experiences and opportunities far more spectacular than I ever could have imagined.

Exercise: Gratitude Journal

Each night write three things that you appreciated about your day. Then set three intentions for the next day.

Affirmation: I give thanks that my life is unfolding in its right and perfect way.

www.caroleoconnell.com

What is My Purpose in Life?

What is my purpose in life? Why am I here? Is there an order to the universe? Do I make a difference?

I have pondered these questions for years, much like you I suspect, and although the answers have come in many models, I know that I have just scratched the surface of my understanding.  Having been a student of truth for the past 40 years, I have studied many teachings, philosophies and techniques, experimenting and discarding systems of mind expansion and enlightenment. I feel that the positive thinking era is no longer a powerful enough model for man to live by. It is time to go deeper within the power of the mind to explore our innate potential for creativity.

Through positive thinking we can affirm a truth and in the beginning the mind will expand beyond the parameters of its normal thinking. These good thoughts will flow with the movement of the universal thought pattern and attain a higher level of energy and creativity than ever reached before and we find our lives changing dramatically.  After a period of time, perhaps a year or maybe six to eight years, we realize that the initial growth in consciousness that was so life changing hasn’t expanded any further. We are not growing in depth, we are just maintaining or perhaps even feel ourselves slipping back into our earlier attitudes and mind sets.

This is the time to go deeper into mind, deeper into soul. It is not a matter of reading another book or attending another class because books and teachers can only give their opinions, beliefs and theories. When we find ourselves voicing someone else’s belief, we can know that this is not our own soul understanding and therefore cannot create for us from the depths of our being. All of the techniques and methods that we use can only manifest from the level of our understanding. The deeper our understanding of truth, the more powerful our demonstration. We can affirm ‘God is my source’ for years and perhaps attain a fairly consistent level of prosperity from a surface awareness of that statement. Once we go deeper and ponder this statement as well as the concept of truth behind it, we must question, “What does God is my source mean? What is God? What is source?” we find that a new level of understanding emerges, not someone else’s belief but our own awareness of this knowing and we find that our manifestations are very different. On a surface level “God is my source’ might bring unexpected income, a better paying job, but at a deeper level, it can mean a consistent flow of abundance in all areas of life coming from an inexhaustible reservoir of plenty. The methods of manifestation matter not, the techniques are numerous but the degree of success depends on the depth of understanding. It is no longer enough to create a picture in our mind of our desire and affirm that it is so. For the novice perhaps, for the serious student on the path, the thought must go deeper. There needs to be a soul understanding of the principle behind the thought. Visualizing and affirming are still good as long as we have the faith behind the picture that all things are possible to one who believes.

Spiritual study is the study of life from a deeper perspective and it is individual in its comprehension. As we go beneath the surface of thought and journey inward, truth is revealed not in quantum leaps but in doses that we can grasp and integrate in our daily lives. The importance of this inner journey is to reveal our life’s lessons and purpose, to create an opening for greater understanding and to move us into an experience of universal oneness. This is not found in books but rather in the silence of our own mind. W can touch that inner source of knowledge and awareness through a daily discipline of silent observation. Silent observation is simply taking some time each day for sitting in the silence, breathing gently and observing the thoughts that enter and flow through the mind. Whatever knowledge is needed will surface because we have created an opening in our mind for its arrival.

The wisdom that lies within us is tuned to our individual growth and will guide us to the right and perfect place for us at all times. Our own unfolding path does not always meet our worldly expectations thus the inner struggle between mental manipulation and spiritual growth. Following a vision in life is being open to unexpected turns in the road. Goals that are etched in stone leave no space for twists and turns and therefore are very limiting to our inner journey. Sitting in the silence is not an event but simply an experience of quiet solitude. It is sometimes difficult to be with ourselves in the quiet. You can listen to a meditation CD that takes you into the quiet. Whatever works for you. Be easy with yourself. This journey is one of great joy.

Affirmation: My life is unfolding in its right and perfect way and I am grateful.

www.caroleoconnell.com

Self Acceptance is the Key to Happiness

Most of us have lived lives of ‘quiet desperation’ as Thoreau said, replaying our programmed subconscious tapes of criticism, not good enough, failure; I never do anything right; nobody loves me and what’s wrong with me! With constant chatter going on it is not surprising to discover that life brings us experiences that reinforce our predominant thought patterns.

We can counteract those negative thoughts with positive phrases such as: I am wonderful; everything I do is successful; my figure is sexy and beautiful; my mind is filled with wisdom and so on; however, the resistance (called second force) that comes up when we entertain these ideas forces us unconsciously to choose between what we have ‘always’ believed and the ‘new’ thought. The strength of the old beliefs usually will overpower the new and our level of self-esteem remains the same. The only difference being that now we walk around with a smile because we are a positive thinker.

Instead of this mental manipulation, how do you suppose it would feel if we were to just be O.K. with ourselves, where we are in life, how we look, what our Dun and Bradstreet rating is, whether we are in a relationship or not….to appreciate ourselves just the way we are with no ego needs to be met, no changes necessary, no need to be better than we are right here, right now!!

It is the natural course of the universe to propel us forward, into ever changing, always unfolding modes of growth that serves the highest potential within the divine plan of this life experience. We each travel a unique individualized path of spiritual growth and awareness. BY accepting ourselves just the way we are, we become open to a higher force, a divine power that will guide and direct us to the greatest growth possibilities. Following this path is more demanding, more rewarding and far more stimulating than the way of the world.

The common person manipulates the world based on the expectations of society. The extraordinary person flows with the tides of the universe, sliding around curves, bending with the wind, experiencing leaps of consciousness by simply being still; listening and moving forward into the motion of life, not as something to accomplish but rather as an experience to be cherished and lived. Accepting ourselves just the way we are with all of our faults, all of our ‘stuff’ moves us away from the destructive critical self talk that has dominated our consciousness and opens the possibility of expanded awareness beyond anything we have ever known.

Oh, by the way, this accepting ourselves just the way we are idea is a lifelong process. There are no techniques, no short cuts and no affirmations that will take us there. This is truly a journey of the soul. Just stay focused on the beauty around you, the many blessings that fill your life, appreciate and be grateful for the many aspects of your life that are working. You will be amazed how the solutions to your problems with come forth.  Can you do that?  A better question is are you willing to do that? Try it for 30 days and see what happens in your life.

Let me know how it works for you

www.caroleoconnell.com

The Divine Relationship

“There is only one relationship out of which all others are born, that is the divine relationship we have with “self.”

The Human desire is for relationship! From the time we enter the planet, we need other to nurture and love us. The medical experts tell us that a child deprived of a loving touch will die of emotional starvation. The need to be connected with others is a basic human need which comes from having moved as souls from a state of total conscious awareness to a relatively unconscious mental condition. You might say that we lost ourselves when we are born and that sense of separation keeps us searching for that right relationship that will make us feel complete. Of course, this cannot happen, for we are already complete, with a full capacity for aliveness. Unfortunately, we don’t come with a set of instructions, so we spend a lifetime trying to fill the void we feel within by changing partners or blaming the one we’re with for our emptiness.

There is only one relationship out of which all others area born, that is the divine relationship we have with “self”. By self I am referring to that spark of life energy that was created out of God consciousness and is evolving as you and I. The “self” is complete, divine, perfect and pure love but how many of us see ourselves that way? We humans tend to focus on our imperfections which leads to criticism and judgment that results in the deepest of self hatred.

Why then do we think that the right person in our life is going to make us feel better? I suppose it is as simple and as complex as believing if someone else loves us, then we must be loveable and our self hatred gets pushed aside until we experience criticism or judgment from our loved one and the self hatred rears its ugly head even stronger and once again we come to the conclusion that we must be a terrible person for this loved one to have changed their mind about us. Of course, what our loved one is doing is simply projecting their own fears and insecurities and whatever other issues they are dealing with at the moment towards the person closest to them. That is the dance that many couples participate in throughout the relationship until one of them can’t take it anymore and leaves. Both will experience a deepened self hatred but the one that was rejected often will go through a period of depression with obsessive thoughts of the dearly departed. That pattern is often repeated through successive relationships until we discover that the intimacy with another that we crave is actually the deep desire to fill the void that we feel within our own soul, that sense of separation that we have with our God-self.

The divine relationship is nurtured through self-acceptance and self love of who we are right here and now, recognizing that our human nature is sometimes petty, mean, jealous and downright nasty. Accepting that shadow side of our personality allows us to accept the loving, forgiving side which is the normal polarity of our humanness. I believe that we are here on this planet to learn to love everyone, a universal love that will bring us into a love relationship with every soul we meet. That inter-connectedness that we are striving for begins in our own heart and mind by first accepting who we are, just the way we are and loving ourselves no matter how many mistakes we make and then extending that unconditional love and acceptance to our brothers and sisters of the world.

This divine relationship with self brings about inner peace, family harmony, communities working together, nation’s united and global oneness. The first step is yours and mine and until we take it, nothing on earth will change either individually or collectively. Perhaps the slogan from the 60’s can be resurrected, “Make Love, Not War.” Begin today to think better of yourself, to treat your mate and family with the love and respect that you desire and see if that doesn’t make a difference in every aspect of your life. Imagine a world filled with souls committed to loving one another, an idea whose time has come.

How have you made a difference in your world by loving and accepting yourself? Share your thoughts with us. We need to learn from each other.

www.caroleoconnell.com

Believe in Yourself

"Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties."

Eric Fromm

In the circus, the trapeze artists are the most revered for they have the most frightening acts. Flying through the air with nothing but space beneath you and the next trapeze bar not yet in your reach can be exhilarating or fearful. It depends on the amount of practicing you have done. A good trapeze artist has spent many years in the practice of this art and feels nothing but total freedom when between the bars. That is a wonderful metaphor for your spiritual journey.

The art of creating a joyous life requires your commitment to:

* Ask for what you want, define your desire.

* Choose thoughts that are in alignment with your desire

* Follow inspired guidance and allow the universe to handle the details.

Master these practices and you will be exhilarated when you find yourself flying through changes in your life. When the unexpected happens, you will trust that everything is working together for your good. Life is at its most creative when you are in the void not knowing what the outcome will be, but believing it will be good. It is the PROCESS of creating that is most enlivening, not the result, for when it is complete; we will simply have another desire to fulfill. You will never be without desires, wanting to reach beyond where you have already been. That is the exciting nature of life itself. So live in the space between the trapeze bars and enjoy the journey.

What is your heart’s desire?? Let’s talk about how you can create your desire.

www.caroleoconnell.com

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

"There are no justified resentments. Give up your personal history."
Wayne Dyer

Judgment, anger, resentment, guilt, shame and fear are emotions that come out of your response to life. When you no longer judge others then there is nothing to forgive. Realize that everyone is doing the best job they know how to do with the awareness that they have at any given time. The terrible things that are done to others come from hearts that are crying out for love. A heart that is open, loving and kind has no desire to hurt another. A loving heart would not even have those thoughts, for hateful thoughts would not be in alignment with its dominant vibration of love, peace and joy.

How would your life transform if there were no judgments’ in your heart? What would you have to release in order to accept everyone in your life? Unconditional acceptance means that I accept you just the way you are. I have no need to change you so that I feel better in your presence.

Try this exercise:

If there is someone you are holding judgment around, for one week focus on their positive attributes-the many things that make them a good person. Do not say that there is nothing good about this person for they are in your life for a reason. Nothing happens by accident in the universal scheme of life. Everything has a purpose, which is why we attract people and circumstances to us. The person you have negative feelings about just might be there to show you how to love unconditionally.

When you make another person wrong, you are bringing yourself into vibrational alignment with that which you have judged as wrong. That energy will attract to you more people and experiences that are in alignment with that vibration. That is why releasing a negative relationship through forgiveness, opens you up for a better feeling relationship.

We often attract the same type of person to us over and over again because that is what we are vibrating. The same goes for a job or a boss that you do not like. You leave one job only to find the next job or the next boss has the same irritating traits.

The way to a joyous life with happy people and exciting creative circumstances is to lift your vibration by focusing on what is good in your world, what is good about the people around you and to disconnect from any negative thinking. Try for a week and watch how your life begins to transform and new opportunities come forth.

Let go of the past, forgive everyone whom you have held negative feelings for, focus on how good life is, appreciate every moment of every day and soon you will find yourself surrounded by joyous people living joyous lives. See yourself body, mind and spirit as whole and perfect just the way you came forth into this physical dimension to experience life.

Write to me and let me know how you are doing with this exercise.

www.caroleoconnell.com